never play flip cup with pint glasses
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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