just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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