This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
