what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
