yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
