and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
