Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Im part way to drunk.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
