i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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