i just wanna soil my oats bro
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
