Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
