she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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