Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
