i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I supernannyed him into submission
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
