Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
