I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
