Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
