He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
