she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
