At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Randomize
