Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
