we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
