And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
