I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just high enough for therapy.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
