I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
