So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
