dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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