I hate your face
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
