you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
