i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
