I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
