it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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