You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
