You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
