I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
