his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
