Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
