Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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