I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
