the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
