great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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