bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
