Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
