the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
