ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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