Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
