i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
