I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
