btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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