I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
