I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
